On August 15, 2021, around 11:00 in the morning, I was at the office, busy with work. I received a call from my wife. She told me, “The Taliban have taken over the whole city.” I laughed and said, “What kind of talk is that?” She replied, “No, it's serious—our son is at school, and I’m very worried.”

I immediately left the office and headed toward the school. The traffic congestion was extremely heavy. Security forces were moving around the city in a state of panic and fear. I had to get out of the car and walk a long distance. No one was willing to give me a ride on their motorcycle. Shops, markets, everything was closed. People were terrified.

Eventually, I made it to the school, but my son wasn’t there. The school was closed and there was no one to answer me. My wife, my brother, and I were all searching for my son. After around four hours of searching, I finally found him and we returned home.

The appearance of the city had changed. Fear and despair had taken over everywhere. The security forces, who had fled the battlefield in Maidan Wardak province, were rushing through the city in armored tanks, covered in dust, their faces full of hopelessness. These were the same faces that once gave us courage and made us feel proud. Now I saw them disintegrating, broken.

The city was preparing to welcome a group whose terror and horror are known around the world, a group that the people had previously experienced living under. Sadly, I remembered that time too. Even though I was a small child then, my father and uncles had to flee our home. Life was very bitter back then.

But this time, it was different. I was grown up and carrying the responsibility of my family on my shoulders.

As night fell, darkness covered everything, and this darkness only added to the fear of the situation.

All my brothers gathered that night, and none of us slept. We were very worried because we had worked for a long time with the U.S. military and American companies. That entire night passed, and in the days that followed, we sent an email to the company. After many back-and-forth emails, they finally told us to wait for the evacuation process. Another friend in the military, for whom we had worked, also promised to help.

As time passed, moving from one place to another made life very difficult. Eventually, I applied for a humanitarian visa to Brazil and I was successfully granted the visa. After receiving the Brazilian visa, I flew from Tehran with a layover in the UAE and then arrived in Brazil. In Brazil, I was transferred to UN refugee camps.

After spending some time there, it was decided that we would move toward the United States through smuggling. This was not an easy decision. We had heard news of migrant ships sinking in Colombia, the dangerous jungle route of the Darién Gap, the difficulties crossing through Guatemala, and especially the severe challenges in Mexico where it’s said that everything is controlled by drug cartels. It was terrifying.

Despite all this, we set off. We traveled by bus and on foot, through jungle paths. But that wasn’t even our biggest problem. The main issue was the police in each country.

At every checkpoint, the problem wasn’t that we were undocumented or lacked visas; it was that the police were looking for money. They searched everything. These police had no respect for human dignity. They would strip people, without fear or hesitation. They cut open shoes with knives, ripped open shampoo bottles, and threatened to send us back.

When we reached the Darién jungle, the conditions were harsh. There were children, elderly people, and those carrying heavy loads, for whom the situation was extremely difficult.

After four days, we emerged from the jungle. But things didn’t get easier. The journey continued day and night without rest, without any chance to recover. Eventually, we reached Guatemala. Guatemala was a very different situation. The smugglers there strictly warned us not to leave the room under any circumstances. They said if you step outside, you will be kidnapped.

At sunset, they moved us toward Mexico. The situation was such that I believed the car we were in was being chased. It felt like we were on the run.

The driver was speaking Spanish on his phone. He drove into the jungle several times, changed the vehicle, and at one point, transferred us to a bus from another location.

As we neared the Mexican border, they handed us over to a different group of smugglers. It was clear that they already had our photos before we even arrived so they knew who we were and accepted us accordingly.

After they checked our belongings, we were stamped at the Mexican border and then directed toward Tijuana.

Physically, I’ve become weaker because the emotional pressure has taken a toll and directly affects my body. Still, I have to work and send money to my children every month and support them however I can.

Before I knew it, I was in detention.

Due to the problems I have (and to be honest, my father has cancer, my mother is elderly and suffers from diabetes and heart disease), I have the responsibility to support my family. I will continue to be in detention for a long time which has challenged my physical and mental state, and I am very worried about this. I would like to note that I had the honor of serving in the U.S military and American companies during very difficult times and dangerous places where I was the direct target of enemy fire, driving in a U.S military convoy driving at night without lights where the truck could veer off the road and overturn the experience of encountering a roadside bomb. It was unclear what would have happened if the truck had not been separated from the trailer. 

When the American forces left Afghanistan I was no longer able to live in the country. The most difficult decision in my life was to immigrate to the U.S. I have taken refuge here with a tired body and a broken heart, hoping for the day when no one is forced to leave their home, family, and land. May you be successful with a tired and worn-out body with a world of hope, without knowing what fate awaited me. 

I entered America after spending seven days in police custody without knowing where I was being transferred. I am curious where this place is seeing unusual people with a special accent and strange tattoos that explain the Law. The environment was such that I thought I might be on the set of a movie. Fear had gripped my being after asking what kind of place this is. He told me this was a federal prison. I saw people playing various games. Other people were busy watching T.V. People were also engaged in manual labor, very skilled. I also choose the amazed and surprised and choose a corner to sit.

Almost all the prisoners spoke Spanish. It did not take long for the officer to shout “court time, court time, court time!” I did not know anything. We went to the cell; the cells were for two people. The gates were closed. Very strong gates, very small spotlight, a completely different glass flood light with very weak light that could not be seen outside. The toilet was inside the cell and the prison was very cold. My cellmate asked me in Spanish, “what country are you from?” I told him, “I am from Afghanistan.” The count took an hour and the gates opened again. Food in completely different containers that I didn't feel like eating was served. Lost the word. I was the foreigner there. After a brief introduction, they were calling me a terrorist. The prisoners asked strange questions like “can you make a bomb? How many people did you kill? Is there a bomb in your stomach?” Experiences of mistreatment came even from security officers. Once they realized we were Asian, they did not know much about Afghanistan. The image I had of the United States in my mind was not at all convincing to really be America. The day passed, the night came. 

When I was sleeping as soon as I closed my eyes, I felt such a shock that I could not sleep. It was three o'clock in the morning when the prison officer came and said get ready. I left the cell by passing through the fortified gates. As the door opened the officer called on the radio. A marked line next to the wall within which we must move. I went into the room where there were other people who said they were going to court. Hearing this made me hope that something good might be happening. After eating breakfast, I saw that they had brought kilos of chains, handcuffs, and shackles. After a very careful physical inspection, each of us was bound by these tools. The prison was very cold, and the cold of the chains added to it. In the cold air of a closed prison between giants and chains, I was bending over and trying to warm up. After waiting for hours, we boarded a bus to the federal courthouse.

After the biometric stage, I appeared before a federal judge for judgement. The judge said "Raise your right hand and swear that everything you say is true. You speak nothing but the truth, if you lie you will be accused of lying.” It was the first time in my life that I had encountered such a situation. All the faces, the officers, the way the judge dresses, the way he spoke all had a very serious expression. I wondered what had compelled so many officers and judge to listen to the truth of a helpless refugee. The trial has begun. I was deeply impressed. I saw myself as a defenseless and humiliated creature, turned between a giant and a chain for speaking a few words of truth. “I swear that I won't say anything else without telling the truth.”

“You only answer the questions with Yes or No, if you had something to say finally you will be given time. Your name is M, correct?” 

“Yes, honorable judge.” 

“Have you used another name for yourself?”

“No.”

“Are you from Afghanistan?”

“Yes”

“Your charge is that you illegally entered the United States of America by sea on 10 Jan 2024, is it true?” 

“Yes, honorable judge.” 

“I say you be free but let's see what the government representative says.” 

The government representative objected, he said that these people should not be released. If these are released, they will flee and not appear in court. The government representative wants him to remain in prison. 

JUDGE. “There are ways for you to be released. Bail or payment bail, but you are not included because you are Non-American, foreign, and alien. And your imprisonment may be serving a maximum of six months. Now I do not blame you because you do not have a lawyer. The U.S government will provide you with a free lawyer if you cannot afford one. Do you have any final words?”

Tired and confused between the chains and handcuffs, and the shake of my body. I had no control over my thoughts, no idea what to say. I heard the judges' last words which were disappointing to me. I had something to say, but it was the first time in my life that I had faced such a situation. I was so scared and so affected by this person that I was unable to speak. After the court session ended, I returned to prison. 

I returned to my cell, very tired and cold. I wanted to sleep, but it was not easy. As soon as I closed my eyes, I would have such a bad nightmare that I could barely breathe. Day and night passed. Almost everyone called me a terrorist. That was very difficult for me.

Prisoners asked, “did Israel attack your country?” No, I am from Afghanistan. We are very far from Israel and Palestine. “Is your president Osama bin Laden?” Osama bin Laden is a Saudi Arabian national who was killed in a U.S. special forces raid in Pakistan. I asked them not to call me a terrorist, but they ignored me. There were also people who sympathized. These are dangerous people and members of a criminal gang that can hurt you. The prisons were run by dangerous criminal gangs and they were the boss. There was the presence of drugs, encouragement to use drugs, requests for sexual intercourse, and threats of rape by criminal groups. There was no institution where I could express my problem. I was afraid of everyone and looked at them with suspicion. 

I met with a lawyer appointed by the government. The lawyer asked me if I wanted to fight my case. “If you fight your case, you have no evidence to win.” I told the lawyer I did not fight the case. I ran away from the war. I am a displaced refugee. I hate the word fight. What can I do? The lawyer told me to plead guilty so he could secure my releases as soon as possible. I told the lawyer that I already confessed to my crime of entry in the first court session. The lawyer gave me explanations for their paper that I signed. The lawyer asked me if there was anything I could tell him. I just said I want to be released as soon as possible. I do not know how to call my family. A few days later the lawyer came again with a paper that I signed. There was no hope of freedom. With great effort, I was able to make a phone call to my father who had cancer. 

I got into a bad mental state. I went to the doctor and he gave me a psychotropic medication. I was transferred from this prison to another, closed hour between giant and chains. The behavior of prison officers is provocative. Fear of rape and assault, repeated apologies to dangerous people until I got voluntary solitary confinement. I spent the day and night in solitary confinement. Until I stopped to receive medication. Despite repeated requests, I was unable to receive medicine. I had a bitter day and night which was even more bitter when I stopped taking the medication. With many pleas to the officer, the officer asked me if I was planning to commit suicide. I replied, death would be better than this. Many officers came and chained me. I protested, why?, but they ignored my protest. He took me to a special room and took off my clothes. He stripped me naked and filmed me with his cell phone. My protest was useless. I said, I do not intend to commit suicide why you doing this to me? They said “no, we have received a suicide report you need to be monitored 24 hours a day.” The room was equipped with a camera. The officer behind the door was recording my every moment. After 24 hours, I still could not get rid of this predicament. This scenario lasted 4 days. They were looking for my negative moves to complete their scenario. But despite their many efforts and provocative moves, they were unable to complete their scenario. I got rid of this predicament by meeting with the health consul. In his last attempt to force me into negative gestures, the officer offered me my clothes with his feet. 

There was a feeling of intense despair and loneliness. Driven from a distant land of pain and suffering. I have taken refuge here with a world of hope. Like a wounded deer does not know where to take refuge. The fate of his deer is such that wherever it goes it is doomed to extinction.

The scenario was happening anyway. I told the officer please do not be so disrespectful. The officer chuckled and said, “get dressed, this is a hotel.” I am slowly getting used to sarcasm and irony. There were some good officers among the officers who helped me. After a week of seeing the doctor, I received the medicine. There were a lot of transfers from this prison to another. Wondering through the giant chains. I always longed for warm weather. The other prison I was transferred to was a four-hour drive from the court. Inside the bus taking us to the court, we were worried about the cold weather.

When the time for the trial arrived. I appeared in court again, shackled and chained. I saw the lawyer. He came and told me that I had to express my feelings. My court session was around 3:00 PM. I was dragged away in shackles at 2:00 AM. I was tired and it was warm out. I longed for warm weather standing before the judge. The hearing began by answering questions with the words yes or no. I signed the papers. The sentence was announced. 

“The time you have served in prison is sufficient.” What is the government representative's opinion? The government representative says, “it is true that the prison time they have served is long enough then the release process is complete.” I wanted to jump for joy when I heard the word Liberation. I forgot the fatigue of hours of captivity between the giant and the chains and counted down the days of freedom. 

The time for freedom came. I took off the orange clothes and put on blue ones. I was transferred to a solitary cell. As the night passed, early in the morning he tied our hands and feet with shackles and chains. We got in the car. We got out of the car halfway for biometrics. After doing biometrics and DNA we got back in the car. We found out that I was transferred to another prison.

That there was no freedom.

The difference is that there are no criminals in this prison, only people who have problems with their documents. After going through a phone interview and receiving negative results, the court granted me a hearing. I do not know what criteria the interviewer used to reject my interview result. It repeated requests for my passport mobile so I can complete my file. No one was answering. I felt bad because all the documents were on my phone. I spoke to the immigration officer. The immigration officer's tone is sharp, an indication that he is in a better position and to keep your distance; do not come close. The officer's behavior was such that I felt like I was a prisoner criminal. There was no one to explain our rights and responsibilities. There is no institution that handles complaints. 

I did not succeed despite many attempts on the other hand. I had already told my family I was going to be released. I got the news about my father's condition worsening. I felt bad and then a psychiatrist said the medicine I was using before had damaged my stomach and mouth and to discuss with a doctor. The doctor said he cannot help with my case. I told the doctor that these problems caused my condition. I did not want to talk about my problems with any other doctor. The doctor said there was nothing we could do except medication. I asked the doctor if the medicine could solve the problems I was having: uncertain status despite the information on my phone and passport, I have a sick father, a burden on the family. The doctor said that with this medicine you can sleep well and eat well. When I used the medicine I was no ​​longer able to distinguish time and place. I ate and drank everything. I thought of sleep all twenty-four hours. I could not access my phone. I had a hard time getting the documents. Finally, I would like to say that because of the tears of my elderly mother, my sick father, my children, and especially my wife, I swear their worries weigh on me.